Dandy Note #6
The remedy for digital relationships
*Maybe not the remedy, but a remedy* + free poetry tomorrow!
There is a lot to be horrified about this week. Amidst violence, threats, misinformation, strong emotions, and projections, I’ve become particularly preoccupied and more overwhelmed with daily annoyances. It is a privilege to have the mental capacity to consider this question given the outcome of the election, but if you are also needing to mull something else over:
How many digital relationships are too many?
Let’s agree a digital relationship is _______ and “too many” as________ (insert your own criteria).
For me, a digital relationship is one where I engage with someone more over the internet than in person. Someone who – over the course of a day or week or month – I am physically with maybe 15% of the time, but must communicate with 85% of my workday, which means there’s at least one screen between us at any given moment from 8AM-5PM, not counting lunch, and approximately thirty-minutes every quarter to interpret facial expressions, hear their voice, say kindly as my tongue bleeds, “thank you for that feedback,” etc.
“Too many” digital relationships = the amount of I have now.
“Too many” presents as being overwhelmed — nay, irate —by the number of people I have to imagine sitting at their computer receiving my email just so I can craft an email in the first place! And of course crafting an email takes a whole lunch break because I can’t intonate and must resort to emojis to convey that I’m not mad, per se, except there’s an army of them now and by the time I’ve sorted through them all…
And when I say email I mean all of it—text messages, chat-apps, other apps with chat features, Zoom calls with audio (camera on or off), Slack notifications, Teams alerts (The fact that they’re called alerts…)
I know the number of digital relationships I’m maintaining is too many because I detest them all now — not the people, but hearing from them. I avoid social media and ignore text messages, and am most at ease when my phone is off or dead.
I should admit I am sometimes grateful for this spewing web of communications when I miss an old friend or need to hear from an auntie or a mom—and connection is so incredibly crucial right now—human connection—to be able to perceive the humanity in each other even when we can’t be together in the flesh.
I should also admit I don’t have a remedy for digital relationships in the workspace (or long distance family and friends, or the state of the world), but I do have a typewriter.
Next pop-up event is at Blacksburg Books this Saturday, November 9th from 12-4, if you’d like to stop by 🙂
